I’ve been reading blogs for a while now, and if one thing has become clear to me it’s that starting a blog is the first step on the road to greatness. Given that this blog has been up for over a week, and this is my third post, I’m expecting to have a best-selling book in a matter of days. Three weeks, tops.
Don’t believe me? Allow me to elucidate the many ways in which I am similar to other bloggers turned best-selling authors.
Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess)
- Incredibly snarky sense of humor. Check.
- Propensity for swearing inappropriately. Check.
- Grew up in rural West Texas. I grew up in suburban Southwest Denver. I’m going to count it.
- Struggles with anxiety and depression. Check.
- Vast collection of creepily taxidermied animals. No, but nobody’s perfect.
- Fascination with vaginas. Best not to comment on that one.
Wil Wheaton (wilwheaton.net)
- Huge sci-fi nerd. Check.
- Semi-professional actor who is less successful than his talent warrants. Check. (No really. I was paid to act on at least two separate occasions.)
- Super awesome facial hair. Check.
- Has met Felicia Day. No, but not from lack of trying.
Pamela Ribon (aka Pamie.com)
- Okay, so I don’t really have anything in common with Pamie (though I am a fan of roller derby) but I still feel kind of bad for being disappointed by her latest novel, so I’m taking every opportunity I can to compliment her. (I guess I’m assuming that being on this list will be taken as a compliment. It’s certainly intended that way.)
- This is the lamest bulleted list. Ever. I’m pretty sure that’s the sign of a great blogger. It’s ironic, people. Look it up. (Check.)
I could go on and list lots of other bloggers with whom I share many important commonalities (where “lots” means “zero”), but I have to go back to refreshing my inbox.
I’m expecting an email from a publisher.